BV3

I haven't written a blog in a while. I'm sorry if some of you were disappointed lol. Waiting for decisions from college, getting through school and just life have been a lot recently, but I know that one of the best ways to help myself is to write.

Today's blog is going to be about something I have been meaning to write about for a very long time, but just haven't gotten the chance. Today’s blog is dedicated to my two amazing siblings, Lewis and Josie. I have gone on and on thanking my parents, friends and doctors for their critically important roles in my recovery, but I have never fully acknowledged the love and support I received from my them. Some of you may know that the BV kids enjoy a very close bond. We love to wrestle, snuggle, and play with each other. Even though Josie is just 14 and Lewis is almost 21, we all feel about the same age, and our relationships with one another are perhaps the most cherished connections we each have.

As I have mentioned previously, anorexia takes over all aspects of your life. It's like an infection that spreads to every important person and activity, and certainly doesn’t spare the people you live with. When it all started, Lewis was home from college because of lockdown and stayed home for 6 months, so we were the BV5 again, a silver lining to covid.

I started to really spiral in June of 2020 and over the following months, Lewis and Josie saw me as I changed. Together, they witnessed and sat through many terribly painfully tense meals where I sat there screaming at my parents in their attempt to feed me (or, even worse, when I laid down on the kitchen floor in the fetal position and refused to move/eat/speak for hours). Never once did either my sister or brother complain. Never once did they ask me to be normal. They never even left the room. One time, the battle to get me to eat lasted for hours and I'm pretty sure at that meal they ended up rolling on the floor with each other to entertain themselves… pretty on-brand. But they stayed with me to provide support.

Looking back, I am just in awe that they were able to be right there with me for those scary meals and watch me battle with Eddie in my head. Sometimes, Josie would distract me by playing a game with her or she would try to snap me back to reality by showing me videos from camp. When Lewis went back to college, we would sometimes call him on FaceTime so he could distract me with his boring stories about drones or with what he learned in computer science class. Because it was so awful to listen to lol, I would just eat. I just can't believe how dedicated they both were to helping me get through the depths of my struggle.

Before Eddie, our family dinners were always the highlights of my day. We would laugh and share stories, and would compliment my mom on yet another delicious homemade meal. But starting in June of 2020, that all changed, and the meals were either totally silent or more often the opposite, filled with yelling and screaming. Either way, they took forever and were generally joyless. There were no comments made about delicious food, and the tears of laughter from stories and jokes were replaced with tears of sadness, fear and frustration. Eddie had shut all the good stuff down. Looking back, it pisses me off that I let him do that.

I usually try to give some morsel of wisdom when I write a blog, but this one is written just to express my love for my brother and sister. Jo and Lew - I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart (you better be reading this one). Thank you for your never-ending support, love, hug and never-ending laughter. Thank you for your selflessness as you put your needs aside and never once expressed your frustration. You guys are my rock and I wouldn't be as strong without you. You're my best friends and buddies for life. I’m the luckiest sister in the whole world.